Lost until we find the answer

The sea was losing its darkness as the dawn’s first rays exposed its nudity and unveiled its secluded mysteries. Playing with the delicate sand, he sat eyes drawn to the sky yet not noticing the luminous stars above him for his mind had wandered away in a maze of puzzling thoughts. He had been there for hours thinking the fresh salty breeze would enlighten him. But the answer was still beyond his reach; he was still lost and troubled…

He felt happy and satisfied up until last night… Something must’ve happened inside his brain, triggered a chain-reaction that started with a strange feeling of emptiness and ended with a suffocating feeling of despair that enveloped him ever since. He felt deluded and deceived like his futile life was unworthy of all the hard work he had put into it, apparently his heart was drawn to a much higher cause, a greater reason to exist but his perplexed mind was still unable to find it. The sea was an old friend; he had spent on its shores many days for it was his refuge, his hiding place from the infinite cluster that was life. The sea was the mother he lost, the one that could suppress every noise and every voice but the sound of his thoughts; no one could disturb him when he was with his mother, no one could touch him for mother would send upon the incautious a raging wind and colossal waves.

On impulse, he ran to the sea like a scared infant runs towards his mother and he jumped inside… There he emptied his lungs and sank gently to the bottom. He had remembered… Pushing on the ground, he rose to the surface and floated on his back. A terrifying memory he thought was long forgotten resurfaced, the same emotions were preserved for 20 years and now a grown men was crying like once a ten year old Sudanese hugging his dead brother’s bloody body did. He woke up in a dark crowded room; a U.N officer had found him and put him on a boat that was leaving the country. Alone, terrified and grieving, he arrived to this new country and decided to forget the atrocities and the cruelty he had seen. He thought he had erased his past but that is easier said than done…

His life was indeed in vain for he had forgotten his origins and the victims of the war he had left behind. He felt ashamed of himself, he should have helped his country get back on its feet instead he left it to drown in a sea of disease, civil war and poverty… Aiming for the shore, he swam vigorously and purposefully. The sun had finally rose illuminating the darkness of the night, a new day had started… He had been living a lie all these years but he finally knew the truth, his true purpose of his existence. Isn’t that the toughest question of our lives?