I am tired of explaining myself to you, of course, I have never told you any of my inner thoughts directly, it was above you to ask about me and I couldn’t dare trouble you with my thoughts. I don’t know how to feel about you any more, what to feel when you cross my mind, and you do, you’re always there in the background behind every girl I see, a constant reminder that I never got a single genuine smile, a compassionate look that I never got you.
I can’t write any more, can’t express a thought in a proper sentence. The truth is I ran out of worthy thoughts, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been stuck in the same loop of misery for years, that I said all that there is to say about you. I am tired of saying that I gave up on life, and I am too much of a coward to do anything about it, and so I’ve let myself drift, carried away by every current life throws towards me, lost and not the least bit worried where I might land.
You were/are-who knows- my cause and my purpose, and I lost… I lost you and tried to forget about you, but it seems you are the cornerstone upon which a horrible, miserable, worthless character was built, destined to play forever the same buffoon that fell for a smile. An unwise character in a Greek odyssey, that is what I’ve become. How can I change my destiny? How can I exit the loop? How can I forget?