The past week has been a true mental hell to Mary. So many feelings surged that she found herself too overwhelmed to do anything peacefully. A sudden change indeed! The turning point was over the weekend; a week of joy and delight abruptly ended as anxiety and insomnia announced a new one.
The weekend seemed to be full of meaningless events, although she was sure something must have unleashed the feelings she once thought were under control. She had a pretty good idea what it was, for during the past weekend, people who were just a mere two years older received the opportunity of a life time to study abroad. Her first reaction was surprise and amazement but the human brain has a nasty habit; it tends to over think the situation…
And thus, surprise became jealousy. The wicked monster has been lurking in the dark for a while and was creeping to the surface. Jealousy blindfolds the brain and renders it stupid. She coveted their success but she hypocritically acted as if none of it mattered. Those people had a thorough brain and a determination of steel. Qualities she thought she lacked and that vivified the fire that consumed her heart.
Jealousy dragged along an old friend… Anger. It disrupted all her relationships with her family and friends for she had lost control over what comes out of her mouth. Thankfully, she was accustomed to this feeling and knew she had better keep her mouth shut. The last time she was this angry, she had said many things she regrets to this day for she hurt so many people that were close to her. Silence was the right choice.
Throughout the week, she vainly attempted to find an end to her troubles but the answer seemed to be out of her reach. Old memories and feelings resurfaced as if to add to her distress…
One not so special day however, she found the explanation she was looking for. She was simply scared. Scared of the future. Scared of growing up. She was afraid because she didn’t know what to do for a career, afraid that she wouldn’t be able to summon the will to work hard, afraid her intelligence will fail her, afraid she wasn’t going to get the results she wanted… So many fears haunted her and there was one way to abolish them.
She had to make a simple decision. If she wanted success, there was one thing to do: work harder than anyone who desires the same goal. That’s it! She needn’t worry about the future for God would never fail her. If she focused solely on her dreams, she would make it. She had to grow up, her teenage nonsense needs to end. Her future depends on this single decision. She took it.